Make New Friends, But Keep the Old.

“Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold. “

We might learn that rhyme in nursery school, but it transcends our whole lives. This past weekend, Camp Matoaka in Oakland, Maine kicked off its 60th anniversary with a fabulous reunion. Huge thanks to Jason and Leslie Silberman, the camp directors, and Wendy Berliner, the assistant director, for spoiling us and helping us rekindle camp life even for a few days. I also want to send an even bigger thanks to the people who attended, without whom there would not have been a reunion… without whom there would not have been Camp Matoaka.

Granted, I know that everyone who attended camp didn’t love it. And I also realize that every moment of every day wasn’t all sunshiny bright. But we tend to forget the negative, or at least push it to the back burner, when there are so many good things to remember. I attended Matoaka from 1974 – 1983. Many things have stayed the same, and there are also new traditions, as I think should happen.

When we set foot onto the campus, we became Camp Matoaka girls again. I met campers who attended twenty years before I did and twenty years after I did. No matter how old or for how many years we attended, all of those years melded together. We were all the same. We all turned back time, and time stood still.

The campus is in tremendous shape thanks to the directors and staff, who have, over the years, continuously improved upon the facilities. But what puts the Magic in the “Matoaka Magic” is the people. On one level, it felt like we had never left. We played tennis, went sailing and horseback riding, swam, water skied, and challenged ourselves on the ropes course. We slept in the bunks and hung our bathing suits on the line outside. We talked about stuff… girl stuff. It was as if nothing had changed.

On another level, some of us hadn’t seen friends for 20-30 years, and we delved into what was happening in each other’s lives. Although we sat in the same space where we existed as campers, we were talking about spouses and children and adult issues. Although we were not campers anymore, for just a couple of days, we could be campers again.

Just like old times, as soon as our bottoms hit the benches at dinner, the singing started. Back in the day, we used to sing so much and so loudly, we’d get hoarse. I will admit, I got choked up when the songs and cheers began. My mind raced back to the 1970s, and I was a camper again. I saw Uncle Joe and Aunt Midge (Nathanson, the founders and first owners of the camp), I saw the room as it was. I heard the songs as they had been sung. When I pulled myself together, I started to sing and realized the words easily flowed out of my mouth.




Camp was a time to learn about community, about ourselves and about sharing. We used our bodies and our minds. We learned about being girls. Speaking for myself, I learned that I could be away from my parents for an extended period of time and be more than okay. I took risks. I tried new things. I developed a style and a being. I formed everlasting friendships and memories. Without a doubt, I would not be the same person I am today had I not attended Camp Matoaka.

Now, I am in my reality at home with my family, remembering the weekend through pictures and conversations. This feeling will linger for a while and will become part of the box of camp memories. Thanks to the phone, email, snail mail and Facebook, we are able to stay in touch and keep the Matoaka Magic alive.


As Michael Nathanson, Uncle Joe and Aunt Midge’s eldest son and second director of Camp Matoaka said, “Camp Matoaka provided the place, the Nathansons provided the opportunity. But it was always you girls who provided the abundance of SP-IR-IT, and for that we will always love you all!"

"Make new friends, but keep the old..." To me, they’re both gold.

Create a Community of Concern

On Mother’s Day this year, I asked my children to raise their right hands. Then I asked them to repeat after me, “I [name] promise mom and dad that I will not drink alcohol or smoke anything.. ever. If I am at someone else’s house, and kids start to drink and/or smoke, I will call mom and dad to pick me up. I will not be ashamed of this choice because I know it’s the right choice.”

No, this isn’t brainwashing. It’s the first step to communicating with my children about alcohol and drug abuse. Granted, I have had discussions with my older one, who is in Middle School. I have asked if she has ever encountered a situation where kids were drinking or smoking and encouraged her to do the same. I have asked if her friends even talk about this. Brad and I occasionally drink in front of the kids. They also see us drinking wine during holidays. They see that we do not drink to get drunk. Most of the time, I don’t even finish my glass. We do not smoke. So far, I feel comfortable that my children are not interested in drinking and smoking, but I also know that things can change. Peer pressure and curiosity can get the best of anyone. We know it's important to keep reminding and keep communicating.

Rewind 6 days…

On May 3, I attended a forum through the Ashland Youth Substance Abuse Prevention Initiative. The objectives of the forum were multi-fold. First, it was meant to educate parents on the effects of substance use on a child’s brain development and growth. Second, it encouraged parents to talk about this topic with their children. Third, it asked parents to change the culture on underage drinking and drug use by delaying their children’s first use of alcohol until… adulthood. The overall goal is to help children make good decisions now, which will take them through middle school, high school and college. And learning about even the first objective, the goal becomes a no-brainer.

The first speaker was Mimi Fleury, one of the founders of an organization called Community of Concern This organization began in 1998 in response to a real need for a publication that could help both parents and students gain a better understanding of alcohol, tobacco and other drugs. Mimi and other parents from Georgetown Preparatory School in Bethesda, Maryland, wrote and published a booklet titled, A Parent's Guide for the Prevention of Alcohol, Tobacco and Other Drug Use, which is making the rounds nationwide. In fact, Mimi Fleury traveled all the way from Maryland to speak with Ashland parents.

Along with Mimi, Dr. Marissa Silveri delivered a tremendously powerful presentation on the neurobiological effects of drug and alcohol use. Dr. Silveri is a behavioral neuroscientist who holds appointments as Assistant Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and Associate Research Psychologist in the Brain Imaging Center at McLean Hospital. She uses MRI to study teen brain development.

A child’s brain stops growing by age 5 or 6 and starts remodeling with little change in volume. But children can improve the speed or efficiency of neuron communication. Drinking affects the frontal lobe, which is the primary area for making decisions and strengthening common sense. As a result, alcohol and drug use alters the brain’s functionality and prevents children from making good decisions. Thus, it inhibits that remodeling and overall performance in school and in life.

Here are some astounding facts:

1. Studies show that a person who starts drinking before age 15 is four times more likely to develop alcoholism than someone who delays drinking until age 21.
2. In Massachusetts, urban and suburban youth use drugs in about the same numbers.
3. Teens who drink are more likely to drive drunk, have sex, fight and experiment with other drugs.

The forum also discussed ways to parent teenagers about drinking and smoking. One is to be a good role model. Another is to be clear about expectations. A third is to set limits and follow through. It is also important to be involved in your child’s life and help him/her become well-rounded. Encouraging children to try hard, do well in school and participate in extra-curricular activities will also divert attention in a positive direction. If you feel you need more help in guiding your child, reach out and seek out help from a social worker, guidance counselor, doctor, religious leader or teacher.

Parents and children must learn to trust one another to make good decisions. We can help our children to know what’s right and wrong. Get involved. Show your children you’re serious about this. Tell them about the effects of good and bad decisions. The more parents can show their children love, respect and acceptance, the more we’ll get them back to us. Keep the lines of communication open 24x7x365. The motto for the Community of Concern is, “Together we can keep our children alcohol and drug free.”

The Ashland Education Foundation Funds 10 New Grants in 2010

I have been fortunate to work with a superb group of people on The Ashland Education Foundation. This community-based organization is dedicated to providing enhanced educational opportunities for students in the Ashland Public Schools. This spring, we funded 10 grants, which spanned a variety of disciplines and departments across the spectrum of schools:

Calling All Scientists: $613 to Jennifer Temple, Warren School

Clay in Class – A Lasting Impression: $2,000 to Colleen Glynn, Mindess School

Digital Scanner: $1,350 to Tina Hunter, Ashland High School

ELL Classroom Library: $1,500 to Daniella Alvarez-Bradley and Nicole Lynch, Ashland Middle School, Ashland High School

Jump for the Health of It! $300 to Geri Sprague and Ann King, Ashland Middle School

Kites and Bikes Storage Shed: $1,600 to Teresa McCarrick, Warren School

Linking Traditional Literature to Social Studies Topics and Contemporary Literature: $1,270 to Kimberlee Arnold and Maureen Welzel, Ashland Middle School

Maintenance of New Salt Water Aquarium: $1,100 to Christine Fletcher, Ashland High School

Massachusetts Children’s Book Award: $750 to Patricia Kacevich, Mindess School

Point of Sale System: $2,000 to Lisa Beaudin, Ashland Middle School

All of the projects demonstrate innovation, collaboration and have a potentially broad impact upon the school.

AEFI also holds an annual Fundraising Dinner and Grants Awards Ceremony in the spring. This year, it was on May 4 at Staples headquarters in Framingham. I am proud to report that we raised more than $7,500 through dinner tickets, donations, a raffle and silent auction. The organization will use the proceeds to fund next year’s teacher grants, along with proceeds from the foundation’s GIFTS program, to which people contribute several times a year.

Guest speakers at this year’s dinner were Doreen Nichols, Staples vice president of associate relations and global diversity, who emphasized the importance of corporate support for education. Senator. Karen Spilka, D-Ashland, gave an overview of what lies ahead for education funding at the state level.

It is organizations, such as the AEFI, which keep a town going strong. The citizens of the town and surrounding businesses can work together to support our wonderful educators. In the end, the students win as does the future of our nation. By offering challenging, enriching educational experiences to our children, we can help them grow up to give back to society and keep paying it forward.

Parenting by the stages; can we ever catch up?

I have been a parent for a little more than 12 years. So, I could go on a limb and say I’m seasoned. Thing is, as soon as I have figured out one stage of a child’s life, his/her life and maturity changes, and I need to readjust to another stage. Quickly. If someone with an infant were to ask me a question, I might not be so seasoned anymore.

At first, parents worry more about the child’s basic needs, the physical needs. Is he eating enough? Growing enough? Pooping enough? Will she suffocate in the crib?

We turn around, and we worry the child will swallow a button and choke to death or put a bead up his nose. We know the child can make decisions, and we try to teach right from wrong in a very general, black and white sense. Another turn, and we worry he’ll fall off his bike and break a limb, or get teased at school. We’re now moving more into the “the child is independent, but we still need to watch over him” and into the emotional health.

It’s hard to write this and not get choked up. I remember when they were born and watched their every move. The first smiles. The first crawls and steps. The outings when it seemed like we needed to take everything with us just in case. Registration for kindergarten. First day of 1st grade. Hebrew School consecration. I have tears in my eyes thinking about it.

My son did put a bead up his nose. Fortunately, he knew how to blow it out. And not too long ago my daughter fell off her bike and hurt her ankle. Thank goodness it wasn’t a break. These are small and part of growing up- physical and emotions. It all seems easy in hindsight. These days, I’m talking with my children about sex, and saying no to drugs and alcohol. More than ever we pray that they will make the right decisions when we’re not around.

I think the good thing about parenting is that we get a little smarter at each stage. Sure, we can get baffled by some actions and reactions. But overall, we can think a little more quickly on our feet based on past experiences and what will sustain for the longer term. We try to be consistent in what we say and do.
By working hard for the past decade, we have begun to raise two smart, outgoing and sensitive children. They are our pride and joy, and they can drive us up the wall. But isn’t that the challenge? We raise our children to be independent thinkers, to question and to fight for what they think is right. Why should I stop them from doing that with us? Maybe getting more TV time isn’t exactly what we meant by fighting for what they think is right, but it’s a start.

Will we ever catch up? Probably not. As we raise our children, we also raise ourselves as parents. I wonder what tomorrow will bring? No time to worry.

Is Tiger Telling the Truth?

I had tuned out the Tiger Woods stuff until I watched his public apology the other night. Maybe I’m soft. Maybe I feel for his wife and family. I give Tiger credit for a ton of credit for making a public apology to his family, friends and business partners. The look on Tiger's face was sincere and remorseful. He did it directly in front of his mother. That had to have been difficult, but it also added to the authenticity. Elin (pronounced ee-lin) and the children were not present. I wonder if they tuned in?

Tiger has done what many sports heroes haven't been doing lately-- told the truth. True, it took long enough, but I am going to go on a limb and say he also needed to sort out his life and start rehab. That kind of unveiling takes strength and guts. It also shows he has reached the first and second steps of having any problem- admitting it and starting to solve it.

Not sure about you, but I have felt we have been betrayed by many athletes lately. I can’t spew out stats, but there have been too many athletes who have lied about and then admitted to taking performance enhancing drugs. There have been some pretty bad stories about athletes (and actors) gone wild. Tiger got caught… badly. Time to repent and heal.

Tiger, I feel for you and your family. I applaud your guts and wish you a speedy recovery. Forgiveness is the highest and holiest of deeds. Can we as fans be as strong? I’ll try. But I would also like to see how things pan out, and if you actually do what you say you will do.

"Just do it."

So much to do... so little time

My eyes are bigger than my. calendar. I love my job. I love my family. I love the activities I do. But I need a change. Problem is, how do I fit it into all of the other things that I love doing, which take time?

Years ago, I dropped playing the piano in favor of playing tennis. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love playing and competing in tennis, but now I want to take piano lessons and try to get to a point where I can play a known song fairly well.

Every time I hear a Rabbi Kushner speak, I want to read his books. I have started several of them.

Just yesterday, I heard Brandeis Professor Shulamit Reinharz speak. Now, I want to read her books and articles, of which there are dozens and dozens. I have Googled her and found a couple of articles.

When I see the Adult Ed listings at my synagogue, I want to sign up for several courses. I have taken one so far.

Am I a failure? I would rather not think so. I chalk it up to an ongoing schedule which won't quit. I won't drop my job. I won't leave my family or spend less time with them. I won't stop playing tennis (although I play less in the winter months). I do have other volunteer activities, which I could let slide, but I don't.

Hold Your Tongue

Raise your hand if you've ever held your tongue. Raise your hand if you've wished you had held your tongue. I don't mean in the literal sense.

We've all been in both situations. I have learned to do it more to keep peace, to risk not hurting someone's feelings or to simply prevent myself from being a gossip monger. I learned in business school that it isn't necessary to always have something to say. Sitting back and listening is just a valuable. But in those cases where you don't agree with someone or the person says something nutso in your eyes, you need to quickly weigh the value of speaking up or letting it pass.

This happened to me recently. Long story short, this mother felt her son sang very beautifully when in reality, he was so off key, it made the audience cringe. She said he had been taking voice lessons and was so proud of him. Thank goodness we cannot read each other's minds because I was thinking, "Whoa lady, were you listening to the right kid?" But I simply nodded and tried to say something positive about the performance. It was enough to muddle through the conversation and move on.

We tend to argue or one-up people with whom we are close, such as parents or spouses. This is where the rubber hits the road in terms of being able to stop yourself from trying to get in the last word and prevent a full-fledged fight. I think people pick fights when trying to establish some level of respect from the other person. I will attest to that.

My answer to this is the respect will come faster without the snide remarks, hurtful comments or need to toss out the last word. It is a skill to turn a potential argument on its head. It can also be transferred into the business setting. It's called, don't be defensive.

This is easier said than done, but feel free to take the shortcut to freedom and learn to hold your tongue. You will be happier, and believe me, so will others.