Create a Community of Concern

On Mother’s Day this year, I asked my children to raise their right hands. Then I asked them to repeat after me, “I [name] promise mom and dad that I will not drink alcohol or smoke anything.. ever. If I am at someone else’s house, and kids start to drink and/or smoke, I will call mom and dad to pick me up. I will not be ashamed of this choice because I know it’s the right choice.”

No, this isn’t brainwashing. It’s the first step to communicating with my children about alcohol and drug abuse. Granted, I have had discussions with my older one, who is in Middle School. I have asked if she has ever encountered a situation where kids were drinking or smoking and encouraged her to do the same. I have asked if her friends even talk about this. Brad and I occasionally drink in front of the kids. They also see us drinking wine during holidays. They see that we do not drink to get drunk. Most of the time, I don’t even finish my glass. We do not smoke. So far, I feel comfortable that my children are not interested in drinking and smoking, but I also know that things can change. Peer pressure and curiosity can get the best of anyone. We know it's important to keep reminding and keep communicating.

Rewind 6 days…

On May 3, I attended a forum through the Ashland Youth Substance Abuse Prevention Initiative. The objectives of the forum were multi-fold. First, it was meant to educate parents on the effects of substance use on a child’s brain development and growth. Second, it encouraged parents to talk about this topic with their children. Third, it asked parents to change the culture on underage drinking and drug use by delaying their children’s first use of alcohol until… adulthood. The overall goal is to help children make good decisions now, which will take them through middle school, high school and college. And learning about even the first objective, the goal becomes a no-brainer.

The first speaker was Mimi Fleury, one of the founders of an organization called Community of Concern This organization began in 1998 in response to a real need for a publication that could help both parents and students gain a better understanding of alcohol, tobacco and other drugs. Mimi and other parents from Georgetown Preparatory School in Bethesda, Maryland, wrote and published a booklet titled, A Parent's Guide for the Prevention of Alcohol, Tobacco and Other Drug Use, which is making the rounds nationwide. In fact, Mimi Fleury traveled all the way from Maryland to speak with Ashland parents.

Along with Mimi, Dr. Marissa Silveri delivered a tremendously powerful presentation on the neurobiological effects of drug and alcohol use. Dr. Silveri is a behavioral neuroscientist who holds appointments as Assistant Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and Associate Research Psychologist in the Brain Imaging Center at McLean Hospital. She uses MRI to study teen brain development.

A child’s brain stops growing by age 5 or 6 and starts remodeling with little change in volume. But children can improve the speed or efficiency of neuron communication. Drinking affects the frontal lobe, which is the primary area for making decisions and strengthening common sense. As a result, alcohol and drug use alters the brain’s functionality and prevents children from making good decisions. Thus, it inhibits that remodeling and overall performance in school and in life.

Here are some astounding facts:

1. Studies show that a person who starts drinking before age 15 is four times more likely to develop alcoholism than someone who delays drinking until age 21.
2. In Massachusetts, urban and suburban youth use drugs in about the same numbers.
3. Teens who drink are more likely to drive drunk, have sex, fight and experiment with other drugs.

The forum also discussed ways to parent teenagers about drinking and smoking. One is to be a good role model. Another is to be clear about expectations. A third is to set limits and follow through. It is also important to be involved in your child’s life and help him/her become well-rounded. Encouraging children to try hard, do well in school and participate in extra-curricular activities will also divert attention in a positive direction. If you feel you need more help in guiding your child, reach out and seek out help from a social worker, guidance counselor, doctor, religious leader or teacher.

Parents and children must learn to trust one another to make good decisions. We can help our children to know what’s right and wrong. Get involved. Show your children you’re serious about this. Tell them about the effects of good and bad decisions. The more parents can show their children love, respect and acceptance, the more we’ll get them back to us. Keep the lines of communication open 24x7x365. The motto for the Community of Concern is, “Together we can keep our children alcohol and drug free.”