Have you ever dug so deeply into a situation, that you feel you could not find the entrance or exit? For reasons which I will not get into here, I hadn’t seen much of my father’s side of the family since my son’s bris in 2001. I kept in touch with a few cousins, and after a while, it became more and more difficult to find the right words, the right time, the right anything to connect again with others.
To be fair to myself, I didn’t want to at first. I was angry. I was torn. But would I be disloyal to him if I were to even speak to these people? Then, I realized, “What the heck am I doing?” Whatever beef my father has with his family is his issue, not mine. One of my cousins, Leanne, is good at putting that kind of situation into perspective. She has this innate ability to see into people’s minds and say just the right thing.
I shattered the silence last Christmas, when I invited one cousin, Lori, and her husband and three beautiful daughters, for the traditional Chinese food meal. I did see a few other cousins over the year, but there were still a few I still needed to catch up with.
This past Rosh Hashana, I went to Leanne’s house and saw a few more relatives on the “wanted” list, and it was as if a load was lifted from my shoulders. People were happy to see me and my family, and it seemed that we picked up where we left off. It’s not easy to fill a seven-year void, but we did our best.
Then, the other day, we got an invitation to celebrate an early Chanukah at Lori’s house with family from our side (my father’s sister) and her father’s side, as well as some of her husband’s. We had plans that evening but made it a point to go there even for an hour. I walked toward the house with some anxiety, but that quickly passed. We had a great time catching up. My husband and children met cousins they didn’t know existed. I did too. I left so relieved. Tomorrow, I will invite relatives for that traditional Christmas dinner of Chinese food.
My point? We all have regrets. We have all said, “If I could turn back time…” Although we cannot recreate lost years, we can try to begin anew. You can sit and think about it, or you can do something about it. It’s not easy. It won’t happen overnight. You might even swallow some pride. It’s your life. You can choose to live it.. or just think about it.
To be fair to myself, I didn’t want to at first. I was angry. I was torn. But would I be disloyal to him if I were to even speak to these people? Then, I realized, “What the heck am I doing?” Whatever beef my father has with his family is his issue, not mine. One of my cousins, Leanne, is good at putting that kind of situation into perspective. She has this innate ability to see into people’s minds and say just the right thing.
I shattered the silence last Christmas, when I invited one cousin, Lori, and her husband and three beautiful daughters, for the traditional Chinese food meal. I did see a few other cousins over the year, but there were still a few I still needed to catch up with.
This past Rosh Hashana, I went to Leanne’s house and saw a few more relatives on the “wanted” list, and it was as if a load was lifted from my shoulders. People were happy to see me and my family, and it seemed that we picked up where we left off. It’s not easy to fill a seven-year void, but we did our best.
Then, the other day, we got an invitation to celebrate an early Chanukah at Lori’s house with family from our side (my father’s sister) and her father’s side, as well as some of her husband’s. We had plans that evening but made it a point to go there even for an hour. I walked toward the house with some anxiety, but that quickly passed. We had a great time catching up. My husband and children met cousins they didn’t know existed. I did too. I left so relieved. Tomorrow, I will invite relatives for that traditional Christmas dinner of Chinese food.
My point? We all have regrets. We have all said, “If I could turn back time…” Although we cannot recreate lost years, we can try to begin anew. You can sit and think about it, or you can do something about it. It’s not easy. It won’t happen overnight. You might even swallow some pride. It’s your life. You can choose to live it.. or just think about it.
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