I was a shy child. My mother said that when I was a little girl, I didn’t look at adults and hid behind her when they approached. That was, until age 5, when my kindergarten report cards would state, “Very bright but a little too social…” What changed? I don’t exactly recall a specific moment, but I do recall t my parents practicing dialogues with me. For example, “When someone asks you, ‘How are you?’ You should then say, ‘Fine thank you, how are you?’” They taught me that exposing myself to different subjects gave me ammunition to speak with people intelligently.
When I became a parent, it was interesting to be the one responsible for teaching little people how to interact and socialize. I wanted to be sure my children would feel confident expressing their voice to others, in a respectful way. I soon realized I had it a little easier than my parents did. My daughter was born talking. And her confidence gene was oversized. The challenge was to keep all of that gregarious energy channeled in the right way. She too received reports from school saying, “Very bright, but needs to work on self-control…” On the one hand, I knew we had to work on that and help her understand when it’s time to socialize and when it’s time to be quiet and listen. On the other hand, there was a little part of me that said, “Yesss!” She has since improved upon this self control.
It took a little longer for my son to start talking. His sister used to talk for him. But when he did talk, I knew he too would be very social. He watched his family and learned. He had a very easy disposition and was also outgoing. I know that’s not taught, but it can be fostered. For example, when we went to a playground, he had no qualms about asking another parent to push him on the swings. And once again, Ari still comes home with “Progressing” in the self-control category on his report cards. This is still a work-in-progress.
One characteristic I think is critical to foster in a child is a sense of humor. Both of my parents know how to do a “schtick” – start with something random and keep going with it. I learned how to find the funny in something or myself to keep life in perspective. There was great comedy in television with such classics as “I Love Lucy” and “The Dick van Dyke Show.” When I was about 10, my father exposed me to the wonders of the late, great Henny Youngman. This led me to delivering stand-up monologues at Camp Matoaka by age 11. I could make other people laugh! To me, there isn’t a more potent means of interaction than humor in the area of social skills.
Fortunately, I married a guy with a good sense of humor. And this trait this caught on for both kids, which has complimented their personalities and helped them stay grounded as good people.
I realize it’s hard to teach someone how to be funny or how to find the humor in something else. I think you can do it by how you react to situations. Sarcasm, when used properly, can be funny. Exaggerating an action can be funny. Some claim that humor cannot or should not be explained. Author E.B. White once said, "Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind.”
My point: There are so many traits we want to instill in our children – tolerance, determination, forgiveness, resiliency. However, I believe that having a sense of humor is the foundation for all of these characteristics. Tthe benefits of humor and laughter are enormous both emotionally and mentally. It can boost the immune system, reduce stress, relax muscles, lower blood pressure, increase our tolerance for pain, and hasten the healing process. This makes growing up more fun and carries a person far into adulthood.
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